Momma Hurts, Too

It has now been more than thirteen years since that terrible day when we nearly lost Stacy in the emergency room at Dixie Regional Medical Center then watched with fear and trepidation as they flew her off to Salt Lake City to try to save her life as a result of her diagnosis of Valley Fever in the final months of her pregnancy.  I will never forget the pain and concern I was feeling, as her mother, to know her life was in danger and there was nothing I could do about it ... except pray!

Last night, I had those same feelings again when I saw Michael's damaged leg on his Facebook site. He reported to the world (before he even told his mother), the injury required 24 staples to close up the wound caused by a 16" saw blade he says "froze up" when he was cutting lumber at a job site. Of course, he said "it's no big deal" but when I think about the "might-have-beens" of him severing an artery or cutting his leg off entirely, I get those same feelings of panic and fear for my child's life.

We traveled north the week of Memorial Day so I could see Michael’s wound for myself … and as he said, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it looked on Facebook, but I still think he dodged a bullet. 

Lilly tells visitors in her classroom
all about zebras.

We spent several days helping him finish some projects around the house, cleaning, enjoying time with Lilly, attending her “animal” day program and watching 21 episodes of M*A*S*H because Michael doesn’t have regular TV.  On Friday evening, we met Kelly and Gary for dinner and enjoyed lots of laughter and fun together.  Our plans to leave on Saturday were primarily so we could stop in Payson for the open house of the new temple, but unfortunately about a million other people had the same idea. 

It was fun to spend time with Michael and Lilly.  As we were leaving he thanked us for our help and encouraged us to come back anytime, but was changing the locks on his doors at the same time.  Hmmmm, I wonder – after our 4-day visit - if there is any significance to that gesture.

I love this quote and think it best describes what I as a mother feel when my children are hurting ... or hurt:  “Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did - that everything involving our children is painful in some way. The emotions, whether they are joy, sorrow, love or pride, are so deep and sharp that in the end they leave you raw, exposed and yes, often in pain. The human heart is not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represents just that - a parent's heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.” 
                                                                                                          ― Debra Ginsberg