Last Will and Testament

The e-request sent last week from Mom: One of the last things we need to do before we leave for a mission is update our last will and testament . . . SOOOOOO, this is your opportunity to tell us which of our "treasures" you would like to own!

Michael (Your Most Adored Child and Pick of the Litter) responded: Dibs on the penmanship painting, the picture of the hands shaking in dads office, money from all the accounts, the house and anything else of value . . . oh, and Maxie’s ashes. Other than that I'm not particular.

Then later, Michael got serious and wrote: But really I would like the two pictures. Other than that, just your memories. Tara would like the blue 1930's formal, Gramma Doris' and my mom’s wedding gown and any other antique fabrics. I would also, as I know the list may be long now, like to add my name to the hallway hutch (glass front by the front door) and since Dave has already gotten most of the guns, any gun of dad's, if applicable.

Son-in-law Gary replied: Since you included me in this email, I assumed you wanted a reply from me as well. So I am going all out and saying I want your most prized possession, your FIRST BORN CHILD! Wait a minute, I already have that. Never mind, I guess I already have everything! But thanks anyway.

Kaytee: As everyone knows, the Christmas village is mine (except the blue ice factory promised to Dave and Jan'L). The cabinet in the front hall where mom keeps all her church materials. I would love the brass bed but I'm thinking I'll have to fight 5 siblings for it plus it's all but useless without the original springs. Gramma's diamond ring in the safe deposit box at the bank. And while we're on the subject I really, really want first dibs on Gramma Doris's jewelry. I know I'll have to fight Tara over a few pieces.

But why are we even discussing this because you and dad are going to live forever!!!

Michael: I can already see the gloves being donned. Mom, you should just divvy up the stuff as you see fit and call it good. But if that doesn't work we could go King Solomon. I have a sawzall and cutting torch?!

Kaytee: I agree they should just divvy it all up but I'm sure they want to know what we want. But I'm the favorite so I get the cabinet!

Kelly: I want the family photos, the M*A*S*H video library and the original “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers”. And everything Michael and Kaytee have asked for. Ok, but if you cut the hallway hutch, I get the front half. Thanks much.

Kaytee: The MASH video library?!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHA LOLOLOLOLOLOL Oh Kel, I don't think ANYONE will fight you over that.

Michael: Just cuz you said that I want the MASH library. And the seven brides is not an original. I'm not sure if you know, but you already stole that one. Kris, I believe has the second and Stacy the third. I have it memorized so I'm ok. But bless your beautiful hide anyways.

Uncle Larry: I expect this was sent to me in error, however, I do have something to add: Don't be fighting over Doris' wedding dress, or her jewelry. I have plans for all of that at the Gay Pride Parade in 2015, but feel free to fight for the square dance clothes.

From Troy: I realize I'm not really part of this but if Uncle Ed has any of the guns that once belonged to my dad that is what I would want and I would be willing to pay for them. Just my thoughts. Hope all is well with everyone. It would be nice to see my cousins sometime before we need to start worrying about a will.

Kaytee: I still don't have my own copy of 7BF7B but I still don't want the MASH collection.

In response to Uncle Larry’s e-mail, Michael responded: Can I build your float? Tara would also like to volunteer for hair and makeup. You'll look like butter!

Also in response to Uncle Larry’s e-mail, Tara wrote: Hey, I'll let you borrow it for the weekend! And you're missing a little sumpin, sumpin up top to be wearing her wedding gown.

From Whitney: People, People... I think the M*A*S*H series should go to ME, since I don't think I've seen them all yet.

Michael again: Those sumpin sumpin can be purchased. Just ask . . .um, I'll stop right there

KT again: On his skinny frame??? He'll be totally top heavy!

Michael again: Kelly doesn't want the MASH collection anyways. Not when they are video and they just released the extended directors cut on blue ray with never-before-seen bonus features


Then Tara chimes in: Sorry Larry. Much as I love you, you are MUCH too tall for the wedding gown. Also, it is completely unsuitable for a parade. You need SPARKLES!

And, Uncle Larry again: Wow. This is gonna be ugly...ROFL!

Kelly: That’s not a problem because if I get everything Michael and Kaytee asked for I can afford the Blu-Ray.

And, then Stacy: I'd like the land the house is on, the livestock and water rights . . . a moat will be constructed and you will all have to pay a toll to retrieve your treasures!

Michael: See Mom, she's just gonna hawk it all. That's it, she gets nothing, except she can have the new dog, Maxie part 2

Kris: My parents are going to live forever (just like Doris) so this is all silly...have a great day all!!


Kaytee: That's what I'm sayin... but, nobody would want Satan! That dog is evil!

Michael: I'll take the dog as long as it comes with the cabinet by the front door, the mash videos, and the accounts.

Thanks for lots of good laughs on a serious issue!!! I sent this just as I was heading for bed and when I woke up the next morning there were 34 e-mails (though none from David and Jan'L). Since our family is convinced we are going to live forever, I guess everyone will just have to wait to see who gets what!!!